SHE’S SINGLE, SHE CAN DO IT

You ever notice how people feel entitled to your time simply because you’re single? Whether it’s family, friends, or complete strangers, it’s like once they find out you don’t have kids, suddenly your schedule is wide open for anyone who needs help, a favor, or a someone to help them move. As if being single means your time is somehow less valuable. But when it comes to parenthood, people love to drop the bomb that having kids will ensure someone will take care of you when you’re old. Yeah, okay. Let’s talk about that.

We’ve all heard it: “I want to have children so I have someone to take care of me when I’m older.” As if children are just little human insurance policies for when your knees give out and your memory starts to fade. Historically, this idea has been pretty popular. Having kids has long been seen as a safety net for your golden years. But here’s the thing—that myth is crumbling. Now, in a time where family dynamics are rapidly changing and caregiving responsibilities are evolving, we need to have a real conversation about what it means to “guarantee” care in old age through children.

“According to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, about one in four caregivers in the U.S. are millennials—juggling their own lives, careers, and responsibilities.”

Let’s break it down: There’s no guarantee that your children will want to, or even be able to, care for you in your old age. Shocking, right? According to the National Alliance for Caregiving and AARP, about one in four caregivers in the U.S. are millennials—juggling their own lives, careers, and responsibilities. This isn’t the cozy, idyllic version of kids dutifully caring for their aging parents. More often than not, adult children are just as busy trying to keep their own lives together, and caregiving can quickly become an overwhelming burden.

And let’s talk about the emotional strain. The idea that children “owe” their parents care can lead to deep feelings of guilt, resentment, and obligation. Ever notice that no one is suggesting that the married daughter should shoulder all of the caregiving duties while the single one is expected to step in like some sort of unpaid caregiver? I mean, in a world that continually tells single women that they’re supposed to fill a certain role (read: caretaker), this expectation becomes all too familiar. In fact, some experts, like Simpson, found that the expectation for spinsters (yes, I’m reclaiming that word, thank you very much) to provide the bulk of care remains deeply ingrained and pervasive, no matter their personal situation or commitments.

Now, let's talk about the real cost of caregiving. It’s not just emotional. We’re talking physical, mental, and financial tolls. Many caregivers find themselves spending hours assisting with everything from daily activities like bathing and dressing, to managing medications, and even providing emotional support. Over time, it can lead to burnout—a serious issue. The physical demands are relentless, and let’s be honest, the “thank yous” don’t come often enough to compensate for the exhaustion.

On top of the emotional and physical stress, caregivers often find themselves financially strained. Many are forced to cut back on work or even leave their jobs to provide full-time care. That means lost income and fewer savings for retirement. Medical expenses, home modifications, and the ever-growing costs of care can add up fast, leading to a hefty financial burden.

Let’s circle back to this myth that having kids guarantees you’ll have someone to care for you in your old age. It’s time we rethink that expectation. Instead of counting on children to provide care, we should be thinking about how we can plan for our own future, independent of anyone else. Long-term care insurance, retirement savings, and support networks should be the foundation of our “care plan” for old age—not hoping that a child will swoop in to save the day when we’re too old to do it ourselves.

The bottom line is simple: if you choose to have children, do it for reasons that reflect your desires and values—not because you’re hoping that one day they’ll be there to change your diapers. Let’s stop romanticizing parenthood as some kind of long-term care plan. There’s so much more to raising children than that, and the decision to have them should be a personal one, not a financial or logistical fallback plan.

The workplace is another nucleus of entitlement and disrespect. Have you ever noticed how, when a business trip to Omaha or Toledo comes up, you’re the first person to be called? "Oh, you don’t have kids, right? You’re free to travel, right?" But if the trip were to Paris? Suddenly, it’s a family affair. Your boss, who has kids, will turn that work trip into a mini-vacation with their partner and kids in tow. It’s as if your single status means you should be available to take on the workload that their family commitments prevent them from handling. But when the trip is something fun—something exciting—they’re all about that work-life balance. The hypocrisy is real, and frankly, offensive.

It’s not just at work where the entitlement of others comes into play. Ever been told by family that you need to take care of Grandpa because you don’t have kids to look after? Your cousins, who are too busy juggling soccer practice and PTA meetings, seem to think your schedule should be wide open to take on the caretaking duties, leaving you to pick up the pieces. But if you push back? Suddenly, you’re seen as selfish or uncaring. Let’s break this down—just because someone has kids doesn’t mean they get a free pass to dump responsibilities on those of us who’ve chosen a different path.

This sense of entitlement—whether in the workplace or from family—sets up an unrealistic and unfair expectation that a single woman’s time and labor are somehow less valuable. Why? Because we’re not “tied down” by kids? Because we’re not part of the traditional family unit? No, no, and no. Our time, energy, and labor are just as valuable as anyone else’s. Just because we don’t have children doesn’t mean we have unlimited time to run errands, step in at the last minute, or cover someone else’s responsibilities. It doesn’t mean we should be expected to do the emotional and physical heavy lifting simply because we don’t have kids of our own.

“The unspoken rule seems to be that if you’re single, you don’t have a real life to manage…:”"

What’s even more frustrating is the fact that this narrative is so ingrained that many of us have just accepted it. The unspoken rule seems to be that if you’re single, you don’t have a real life to manage, and therefore, your time is expendable. But let me tell you something—my life is just as full as anyone else’s. I’ve got my own career, my passions, my friendships, and my own personal goals that deserve to be respected. Just because my path doesn’t involve raising children doesn’t mean my time should be any less prioritized.

This entitlement is not just disrespectful—it’s inconsiderate and unrealistic. Comparing life choices and assuming one person’s time is more flexible than another’s based on whether or not they have kids is a mistake. Single women shouldn’t be expected to pick up the slack for others simply because of our relationship status. Just like anyone else, we deserve to have our own space, our own time, and our own set of priorities without being guilted into fulfilling other people’s expectations.

Call it out: When your boss assumes you’ll take on a last-minute business trip just because you don’t have a family, speak up. When your cousin assumes you’ll drop everything to care for Grandpa because you’re child-free, set a boundary. And when society tells you that your single life is somehow “easier” because you don’t have kids to raise, remind them that your time, energy, and efforts are just as valuable as anyone else’s.

It’s time to stop the entitlement. It’s time to stop comparing life choices. Whether you’re married, single, child-free, or parenting a dozen kids, everyone deserves respect for their time and contributions. Single women aren’t here to pick up the slack, nor are we here to be anyone’s emotional laborers just because we’ve chosen a different path. We are not obligated to anyone else’s expectations, and it’s time the world acknowledged that. As Congresswoman Maxine Waters said, “reclaiming my time!”