Op-Ed: "Why Are Women Opting Out of Marriage? The Modern Spinster’s Rejection of a Broken System"

For centuries, marriage has been a non-negotiable aspect of a woman’s life path. For generations of women, the journey to happiness, stability, and fulfillment was defined by a man’s approval, and a woman’s worth was tied to her role in relation to him. Women were expected to stay in relationships, often unloving and even abusive, simply because society deemed marriage to be the foundation of a woman’s value. Marriage, once a construct meant to grant protection and purpose, has now become the very thing women are rejecting.

Why are so many women opting out of marriage? What is happening when this institution, once seen as the ultimate destination for women, no longer seems appealing? The answer lies in the simple but profound evolution of women—who have evolved far beyond the restrictive roles marriage once imposed on them.

The Evolution of Women: From 'Property' to Independent Beings

Historically, women were assigned value based solely on their ability to make their husbands happy. In earlier times, a woman’s worth was not her own but was derived from her ability to serve as a "sex slave," a housekeeper, and a baby-making machine. The framework of marriage, especially in the past, centered around the idea that a woman's fulfillment was rooted in the happiness and success of her partner. Grandmothers, mothers, and aunts were often forced to remain in unloving, unkind, and abusive marriages because, quite simply, they had no other options.

The evolution of women over the last century has been seismic. Women have fought for—and won—rights to vote, work, and ultimately, to control their own destinies. The past few decades have seen monumental shifts in how women navigate their lives and relationships. Now, women are not only more educated, more economically independent, but they also have access to their own bank accounts, credit, and careers that afford them an entirely different level of freedom. The chains of dependence have been broken.

Where once marriage was the only option for survival or fulfillment, women today have many alternatives—and most of them are being embraced with open arms. The idea of a woman as the “helper” to a man’s success or happiness is being challenged and, for many, discarded entirely. In its place, women are defining their worth by their own standards, not those of the institution of marriage or society’s outdated expectations.

The Fall of the ‘Marriage Ideal’: Why Is It No Longer Appealing?

The rise of the modern "spinster" is not about loneliness. It is not about sadness. It is a conscious, empowering rejection of an institution that has long been built upon the backs of women, leaving them shackled to men who neither respect nor value them. For many women today, marriage no longer looks like the utopian symbol of fulfillment. It appears, instead, like a relic of an old, outdated system that caters to patriarchal ideals—ideals that no longer serve women’s evolving needs and desires.

Women are opting out because, quite frankly, the deal is no longer worth it. The traditional roles of marriage—mother, sex servant, domestic worker—are increasingly out of alignment with the desires and aspirations of modern women. There is no longer any allure to the idea of a partnership where a woman is expected to carry the emotional and domestic labor while her partner remains emotionally absent and disengaged. Women no longer need to rely on men to build a life; they can do it themselves.

This decision is not made lightly. It is not about rejecting love or rejecting commitment. It is about rejecting an imbalanced, outdated system of partnership that no longer serves the emotional, intellectual, and personal needs of women. As we see more women thriving in singlehood, building careers, owning property, and traveling the world, it’s clear that they are not suffering because they are single. They are thriving in the freedom that comes with choosing independence over submission.

The Male Loneliness Crisis: Whose Fault Is It Really?

As women continue to reject marriage, there’s an emerging narrative about the so-called “male loneliness crisis.” Men, particularly younger generations, are being called out for their inability to form meaningful emotional connections and sustain relationships. Some claim this crisis is because of women’s evolving independence—because women are no longer dependent on men for emotional or financial security. But this narrative is misguided, shifting the blame unfairly onto women who are simply refusing to settle for less than they deserve.

For generations, men were taught that their role in relationships was to provide, to control, and to “win” a woman’s affection. But the “win” was always in their favor. Women were socialized to give, nurture, and sacrifice, often at the cost of their own happiness. Now, women are choosing to reject that one-sided model. We are choosing not to enter relationships that require us to fulfill roles that are unbalanced, unhealthy, or ultimately unsatisfying.

Instead, men must take responsibility for their own roles in this crisis. If men find themselves lonely, it is not because women are refusing to love them—it is because they have been unwilling to meet women as equals in relationships. Many men today still expect a partnership that is transactional, not emotional. They want women to act as mothers and sex objects without offering the same emotional investment in return. The idea of equal partnership—where both people contribute equally to the emotional and domestic labor—is still, for many, a distant ideal.

Marriage as a Transaction: The “Mother” and “Sex Slave” Archetype

In today’s conversations about marriage, an ugly truth is emerging: many men still view marriage as a business deal where women are expected to fulfill roles of sex servitude and motherhood. They want children, not because they value fatherhood, but because they view children as an accessory—something to “own” or nurture like a puppy. They want a partner who will keep their home, manage their life, and bear their children, but without giving equal attention to the emotional and domestic labor that such a role requires.

This view of marriage has long been unchallenged—but not anymore. Women are increasingly unwilling to accept this form of transactional partnership. We are rejecting relationships where we are expected to be the sole caregivers, the emotional caretakers, the providers of comfort and support, without receiving the same in return. We are rejecting a society that teaches us that marriage is about the work we do for men, not about the partnership we could share with them.

The married single mother phenomenon is perhaps the clearest example of this dynamic. Women who are married but function as single mothers—shouldering the entirety of the domestic and emotional workload—are speaking out in greater numbers. These women are questioning why they are in marriages that offer them no partnership, no respite, and no shared responsibility. The strain of marriage in this sense is unsustainable, and as a result, women are choosing to walk away from the institution altogether.

Women Evolving, Men Regressing: The Imbalance in the Relationship

This imbalance between men and women is becoming more pronounced as women continue to evolve and men, in many ways, regress. Women are building careers, owning property, starting businesses, and forging fulfilling, independent lives. They are redefining what it means to be a woman—taking control of their destinies in ways that previous generations of women never could have imagined. Yet, many men have not kept pace with this evolution.

Men, too, must evolve if relationships are to become meaningful once again. They must learn to step into their emotional roles, to meet women with respect and equal commitment, and to understand that a partnership means shared responsibility—not one-sided labor. For the men who have managed to convince women to marry them, this outdated model of marriage has been called out. No longer are women willing to settle for men who want only the perks of a relationship without taking on the work that it requires.

The End of Marriage as a Marker of Fulfillment

The modern spinster is here to stay, and marriage, as it has existed for centuries, is no longer seen as the end-all-be-all for women. We are at a point where women are choosing independence, emotional balance, and equality over traditional roles that have never served us. We are thriving outside of the marriage model that has for so long been a source of inequality and dissatisfaction.

Marriage, as it has been defined, no longer has the same power to define a woman’s life. Women are choosing fulfillment on their own terms—whether that means remaining single, focusing on their careers, or building relationships that value partnership and equality.

The modern woman is writing her own story, and no longer will she be defined by the limits of an outdated institution. There is no turning back. The modern spinster is leading the way, and the future will be defined by those who have the courage to live life on their own terms.