Should Women Stay Single?

The data is in and marriage is out. According to a Yale study and a chorus of demographic reports, women across the globe are pausing before racing down the aisle—and many are choosing not to marry at all. Once upon a time, marriage was a woman’s only path to financial stability, respectability, or even survival. Today, in advanced economies, it increasingly looks like a trap.

The institution of marriage, historically sold as safety, has become optional. And when women run the numbers—emotional, financial, biological—the math is not in marriage’s favor.

The institution of marriage, historically sold as safety, has become optional. And when women run the numbers—emotional, financial, biological—the math is not in marriage’s favor.

Let’s start with history. For most of recorded time, women didn’t get to ask whether they should marry. Marriage was their only path to financial security, sanctioned sexuality, and social legitimacy. A husband meant a paycheck. Remaining single meant stigma: “old maid,” “spinster,” “leftover.” Families treated women like burdens until a man carried them off. Marriage was a survival strategy.

But fast-forward to the 21st century. Women are increasingly educated, economically independent, and legally protected from some of the discrimination that once made marriage compulsory. Article 16 of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights even guarantees the right to freely decide whether to marry. It’s a right millions of women are exercising. Globally, women are not just catching up—they are outpacing men in higher education and employment in many sectors. In the U.S., women earn nearly 60% of bachelor’s degrees. Single women now own more homes than single men—10.7 million versus 8.1 million, according to the Census Bureau.

Marriage no longer unlocks opportunity. In fact, research shows that wives are generally less happy than single women. A number of studies report that single women are healthier, less depressed, and live longer than their married counterparts. They enjoy greater autonomy and fewer stressors, largely because they don’t juggle multiple unpaid roles at home. The truth is stark: single women thrive, while many wives merely survive.

A number of studies report that single women are healthier, less depressed, and live longer than their married counterparts.

Of course, gender wage gaps persist. OECD data shows that from 2014 to 2018, women’s median earnings lagged behind men’s, in part due to slower wage growth. But here’s the kicker: marriage doesn’t solve this. In fact, it often makes it worse. A recent U.S. study found that mothers with husbands or live-in partners sleep less and do more housework than single mothers. Married women, on average, earn less over time than single women, partly because they shoulder more unpaid labor. Another study revealed that husbands add about seven hours of housework a week to their wives’ load. Marriage not only fails to close the wage gap—it widens the labor gap.

If marriage is the answer, then why are so many women filing for divorce? In the U.S., women initiate nearly 70% of divorces. In France, Russia, and the U.S., no less than half of marriages end in separation. And women consistently report feeling happier after divorce. Even in same-sex marriages, women demand more. Lesbian couples are more likely to divorce than gay male couples, largely because women have higher expectations for intimacy, communication, and equality. Men, by contrast, are often shocked to find themselves served with papers—they were oblivious to their wives’ dissatisfaction. Marriage may be pitched as stability, but for many women it feels like unpaid labor dressed up in white lace.

In the U.S., women initiate nearly 70% of divorces.

Let’s talk about sex. Wives frequently complain that husbands expect sex with little attention to their other needs. This is compounded by a lingering cultural script that marriage implies conjugal rights: a husband entitled, a wife obliged.

Beyond cooking, cleaning, and caregiving, marriage also demands a form of labor that rarely shows up in statistics: the endless emotional management of men who are emotionally immature or unavailable. Wives are expected to be therapists, cheerleaders, conflict diffusers, and mind readers, soothing fragile egos while suppressing their own needs. The irony is sharp—men often enter marriage looking for “a partner,” but what they really seek is a mother substitute who can absorb their moods, anxieties, and failures without complaint. For women, this hidden tax can be more exhausting than housework, leaving them drained, resentful, and wondering why they signed up to parent a grown man.

For women who hoped marriage would bring intimacy, affection, and communication, the disappointment is profound. Husbands often underestimate how much emotional neglect matters. Women, by contrast, measure the quality of their marriages by affection and meaningful connection. When it falls short, they leave. So when people wonder why women are marrying later—or not at all—the answer is simple: many are not interested in signing up for disappointment on demand. Here’s a statistic worth sitting with: dog ownership correlates with lower blood pressure, reduced cholesterol, and greater happiness. Dogs are easier to train than husbands, don’t argue about chores, and never spring in-laws on you. Compare that to the research showing marriage has negative effects on women’s health and longevity. The trade-off becomes clear. A Labrador retriever may offer more consistent companionship than a reluctant, resentful spouse.

Global Trends:

Delaying or rejecting marriage is not just an American phenomenon. In Japan, one in seven women were unmarried by age 50 in 2015—more than four times the level in 1970. In South Korea, the proportion of women aged 30 to 34 who had never married soared from 1.4% in 1970 to nearly 30% in 2010. In urban China, 30% of women in their late twenties are single, compared to less than 5% in 1970.

These shifts reflect choice, not failure. In traditional societies, marriage comes bundled with children, caregiving, and housework. Once married, women are expected to set aside personal goals to prioritize family. Increasingly, women are rejecting this “bundle deal.” Even in countries with progressive gender policies, women do more unpaid work. In Scandinavia, where men average about three hours of unpaid work a day, women still spend more time cleaning, caregiving, and shopping. In countries like India, Japan, and South Korea, men contribute less than an hour. Marriage doesn’t level the workload—it multiplies it. Globally, wives remain the default caregivers for children, elderly parents, and the household itself. Even when they work outside the home, they are still seen as primary homemakers. Why would educated, ambitious women volunteer for a second, unpaid job when they can live single with less stress?

There’s also an unintended consequence of women’s independence: men left behind. As women become more selective, many low-skilled men struggle to find partners. Enter the rise of “incels”—involuntarily celibate men who blame women for their romantic failures. Some channel this into misogyny and even violence. But the problem isn’t women refusing to marry. The problem is a culture that taught men to expect partnership without equality. Women aren’t withholding love out of cruelty; they’re demanding conditions that men—and the institution of marriage—too often fail to provide.

Historically, single women were mocked and stigmatized. Terms like “spinster” or “leftover” were designed to shame women into marriage. But today, the stigma is fading. Women are not only delaying marriage—they’re embracing singlehood as liberation. A YaleGlobal analysis notes that women are “increasingly educated, more economically independent, gaining more opportunities outside marriage and embracing freedom.” In other words, women are not waiting to be chosen. They are choosing themselves.

The research is overwhelming: single women are healthier, happier, less depressed, and more independent. Married women face more compromises, more housework, and often, more resentment. Of course, not all marriages are miserable. Some are egalitarian partnerships filled with joy, intimacy, and shared labor. But those marriages succeed precisely because they reject traditional gender roles, not because they enshrine them.

For women weighing the choice, the decision is clear: pause. Think. Ask if marriage enhances your freedom or constrains it. The data suggests women have little to lose—and much to gain—by staying single until it’s worth it. The world has changed, and so have women’s options. They no longer need marriage to survive. They don’t need a man’s paycheck, a husband’s name, or a wedding band to claim adulthood.

So should women stay single? Many already are, and they are healthier and happier for it. The real question is whether men and the institution of marriage can evolve quickly enough to meet women where they are. Until then, singlehood isn’t just an option. It’s the smarter choice.