THE Married Single Mom
Marriage is often sold as the ultimate partnership, but for many women, it feels more like a solo act. The term “married single mom” captures the reality of women who, despite having a spouse, shoulder all household, childcare, and emotional labor alone. This dynamic isn’t just frustrating—it’s physically and emotionally draining, leading to serious health consequences and skyrocketing divorce rates. Let’s unpack the toll this phenomenon takes on women and why so many are choosing to walk away.
70% of divorces are initiated by women, with the number climbing to 90% among college-educated women.
Women are overwhelmingly driving divorce rates. According to the American Sociological Association, 70% of divorces are initiated by women, with the number climbing to 90% among college-educated women. This trend reflects a growing dissatisfaction with marriages where women are left to handle everything—childcare, housework, emotional labor—while their husbands do little to nothing.
The shock men express when served divorce papers is almost comical. Many claim they “didn’t see it coming,” even as their wives have been silently screaming through unwashed dishes, forgotten anniversaries, and nights spent crying alone. It’s not that these women suddenly decided to leave—it’s that they’ve been carrying the weight of the marriage for years while their husbands remained oblivious.
Suppressing anger doesn’t just lead to emotional exhaustion; it actively harms physical health. Studies show that women who frequently suppress their anger are at a 70% higher risk of developing carotid atherosclerosis, a condition that increases stroke risk. Chronic stress from emotional repression also disrupts the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, leading to immune system dysfunction and chronic inflammation—a hallmark of autoimmune diseases like lupus and rheumatoid arthritis.
The cultural expectation for women to be patient nurturers who avoid conflict exacerbates this issue. From childhood, women are conditioned to prioritize harmony over self-expression. This “self-silencing” behavior has been linked to depression, anxiety, and physical illnesses like chronic fatigue syndrome and irritable bowel syndrome. For many married single moms, biting their tongues isn’t just frustrating—it’s potentially deadly.
Marriage is often touted as beneficial for health—but the benefits are largely skewed toward men. Older married men are twice as likely to experience "optimal aging," characterized by good physical and mental health5. Meanwhile, married women don’t fare as well. In fact, single women often report better health outcomes than their married counterparts.
Married men enjoy better mental health outcomes because they benefit from their wives’ emotional labor and caregiving.
Why? Because marriage frequently saddles women with additional stressors without offering reciprocal support. Married men enjoy better mental health outcomes because they benefit from their wives’ emotional labor and caregiving. Married women, on the other hand, often find themselves overworked and underappreciated—a recipe for burnout.
The responsibilities of married single moms go far beyond cooking dinner or folding laundry. These women manage every aspect of family life—from coordinating medical appointments to driving kids to soccer practice—all while holding down jobs and maintaining financial stability. The result? Chronic stress and feelings of isolation.
This emotional weight often leads to mental health struggles like depression and anxiety. Feeling unseen and unsupported diminishes these mothers’ quality of life—and their ability to parent effectively. The ripple effects extend beyond the household, creating less harmonious family environments that impact children’s well-being.
Society has long perpetuated harmful stereotypes about gender roles in marriage. Women are expected to be caregivers while men are allowed—or even encouraged—to be emotionally distant providers. This imbalance creates a dynamic where men feel entitled to disengage from household responsibilities, leaving their wives overwhelmed.
For women of color, the situation is even more dire. Cultural tropes like the “angry Black woman” invalidate genuine emotions and pressure them to suppress anger to avoid being labeled irrational or aggressive. This internalized rage contributes to higher rates of autoimmune disorders among Black women—a stark reminder that societal expectations can have devastating health consequences.
Not pictured, her husband enjoying his meal and scrolling on his phone.
“life is too short (and precious) for one-sided partnerships that drain rather than sustain.”
To borrow a phrase from pop culture: "Women can do bad all by themselves." If marriage means being overworked, underappreciated, and emotionally drained while your husband plays video games or avoids tough conversations, why bother? Divorce isn’t just an escape—it’s often a lifeline.
Men need to step up—or risk losing their partners entirely. Because while women may tolerate neglect for a time, they’re increasingly choosing freedom over frustration. And frankly? Good riddance.
If marriages are going to survive in modern society, they need more balance—emotionally, physically, and financially. Men must take on equal shares of household labor and childcare while also providing emotional support. Women shouldn’t have to beg for help or settle for crumbs of affection.
For those stuck in marriages where change seems impossible? Walking away might be the healthiest option—for both body and mind. After all, life is too short (and precious) for one-sided partnerships that drain rather than sustain. Is it worth it?